COMPENDIUM OF A SCRIBBLER.

If you think I am that special person,  You are looking for, Just say it to me. Express your feelings. Not with words but with the kind of actions that I’ve been craving for. So don’t sit quietly all by yourself and wait for the time where I would know myself . Bring me to your world, Show me who you are, Tell me things you have never told anyone, Be honest, share your vulnerability. Then you would know, What actions could do to a person. 

The woman I am and the woman I was has a huge time lapse. I couldn’t imagine doing things I did back then. I was doing what was right at the moment, And now I wonder why did I even think about getting involved in one of those acts ? But had I not done it then, would’ve been doing it now, Which would have made no sense and have portrayed me foolish. With every experience, I learnt to grow and act mature. With every move, I became more conscious. I played with fire and came through, I got the tricks of feeling and fooling, And I saw everything in my head right before it came to me, Now I am a woman who has seen it all. Hence I face a constant monotony now, Knowing exactly how the things would work out and how the other person would phrase the sentence.  When you start to understand the game and it’s tricks,  You accordingly plan your moves. Until you reach a new level, Where you are unaware of the environment and it’s hard to reciprocate.  Thus, I am

The day you realise your worth, Is the day you look for perfection. A little flaw will not be fine with you, You would either leave it then and there, Or give that flaw only a chance to vanish. You start rejecting things on the basis of your standards, And things start working out according to your wishes. Compromise is the term, deleted from your system and you have no idea what it means now. To expect from others is a big no no, You just keep expecting from your inner self to be more strong and resolute with these thoughts.  That’s how you learn your worth, By rejecting every little things that make you feel uncomfortable or anxious. And settle with something subtle and easy, Who is as same as you are and knows your worth, And knows how to make it up to that level and maintain it for a lifetime. 

जब जब टेलेफ़ोन की घंटी बजती है   लगता है तुम हो   बौखला के फ़ोन को झपट्टी हूँ   ओर फिर निराश होके नीचे पटक देती हूँ   काफ़ी अर्जे से यह सिलसिला चल रहा है   अब तक तो आदत पड़ जानी चाहिए थी   फिर क्यूँ इंटेज़ार रहता है तुम्हारे फ़ोन का मुझे   कुछ समय पहले सब ठीक था   भूल चुकी थी तुम्हें याद करना   सबको बता दिया था मैंने   के नहीं फ़र्क़ पड़ता मुझे तुम्हारे होने ना होने का   अंदर से ख़ुद को दिलासा भी दिया था   के संभाल के रखो अपने आँसू   ये वो है जो चला गया है बिना कुछ गवाये पर फिर लगा के शायद ये पहले जैसा वक़्त है   वो हर समय मना लिया करता था   इस बार भी मनाएगा   मेरे पास आएगा थोड़ा रोएगा और   मुझे अपनी ज़िंदगी में वापिस ले आएगा   अभी तक उसकी एक ख़बर का इंटेज़ार है   सोचा था मज़ाक़ में लेगा मेरे यह कहने को   के कभी मुझे याद ना करना कभी मुझसे बात ना करना   अब लगता है काफ़ी गंभीर हो गया है वह स्वभ

I know nothing. I am confused and I make decisions based on the current situations,  I don’t see, if it is going to stay with me in the future, I just do it. I just follow my heart. They say nothing is bad in following your heart , But for me it’s abstaining me from following what I actually want. I am always dicey and I get convinced too easily. I feel all these years of me depending on other’s opinion and doing what they are doing has made me addicted to this habit, Which is why it is too difficult to make my own decisions and make my own analysis.  The word is “too easy to get” And that’s what I am.  Not strong, not determined, easy going..  Thus, it gives me anxiety to make things mine too easily. They automatically run into my head and make me see the future with them. But in reality not even the part of it is thinking about me or seeing me in their near future.  Why am I jumping into such assumptions?  Is is bad to have such a mindset?  The w

My girlfriends are my bitches, They are loyal and available. And they are there to listen to my silly mood swings, From dusk to dawn there may be no reason but calling them is essential and a necessity. Because every little detail is to be shared and discussed, Every minute to minute information is exchanged because they are not just friends they are lawyers and hence they dig most relevant facts and information within seconds.  They are not only your partner in crime but your partner in crying, They know when you are hurt, and exactly what to expect at that particular moment. They don’t know how to handle your tantrums yet never complain, Keeping aside their problems just to listen to yours and then comparing, about who has got the bigger one. Resting physically but mentally our issues keep troubling them causing insomnia, Long distance is nothing but an excuse to get closer to each other. And hence the talks become a daily schedule and only reason of being a

नशे की आदत नहीं थी मुझे   यूँ कह लो के सबके साथ वक़्त बिताने का बहाना   उस तरह यह सिलसिला जारी हुआ   वे दो पल के लिए ज़िंदगी भर का बोझ उठा लिया मैंने   और काश व काश समय बीतता गया   ओर रह गया तो सिर्फ़ ओर सिर्फ़ घनघोर धुआँ एसी तलब लगा के गया है यह बीतता हुआ पल   के इस झोंकें से बाहर निकलने में कष्ट होता है इस शांत और धीमी स्थिति में ही बसा जाने का मन करता है फिर भी नशे की आदत नहीं थी मुझे   बस कहीं ना कहीं यह दौर भी कुछ सिखाने आया था   कुछ बताने आया था   वरना पल तो बिना कशों के भी निकल सकते थे।

कभी कभी शरीरिकता ज़रूरी नहीं होती   होता है तो सिर्फ़ धड़कनो से धड़कनो का अहसास वो महसूस होना जो किसी से लिपट्टे वक़्त नहीं हुआ   वो महसूस होना जो किसी के स्पर्श से नहीं हुआ   क्या ख़ास है इस अहसास में   ओर क्या ख़ास है तुम्हारी बात में जो ये मन हर समय बस तुम्हें सोचता रहता है   इतने दिन बिना देखे भी बस इसी आस में ख़ुश होता रहता है   के कल की सुबह तुम्हारी ख़बर के इंतज़ार में निकालेंगे और आज तुम पक्के में हमको याद करोगे यही कहके अपने दिल को संभालेंगे।  

कितनी बातें कहनी थीं तुमसे कितना कुछ ओर बताना था शब्दों की कमी नहीं थीं मेरे पास कमी थी तो सिर्फ़ वक़्त की जो तुम मुझे ना दे पाए कमी थी तुम्हारे स्वाभिमान को लगे वो ठेस की जिसके रहते तुम चाह कर भी कुछ ना कह पाए एसा नहीं है की तुमने कोशिश नहीं करी तुमने हर वक़्त प्रयास किया पर सीधी बात ना कर सब घूमी फ़ीरि बातें हुई, ओर बस यूँही वक़्त निकलता गया फिर कोशिश वहाँ से भी हुई ओर यहाँ से भी हुई बस फ़र्क़ ये रह गया की अब आदत पड़ गयी है इस सन्नाटे की मुझे.

My father sees the dream  And through us he lives it. He has put all his life to make us what he couldn't be  To let us follow our paths which he couldn't, because of responsibilities. The responsibilities which we call today vague.  But what we don't call vague is the hardwork he is doing to keep fulfilling our endless desires. To give the environment, the safest place to survive on Mother Earth.  Clearly it is way more than living his dreams through us.  It is like putting up his soul for his children and family.  Who calls such a person father?  For his act he shouldn't be called anything but a feeling which you feel and always get super happy and loved.  Because mere words are not meant for him. Hence, Father is not a word but a feeling. DS

Feelings little feelings.. Bad feelings make you die. They are so strong and impactful that even if they stay for five minutes they kill you. Bad feelings during nighttime are the most dangerous ones because, When it's dark and quiet, all you can hear is the sound of your soul; And when the soul is hurt it gives you bad feeling.  That anxiety makes you so helpless that even any positivism is insufficient to cure the pain.  But when you turn yourself slowly towards the side of sleeping, you forget about those feelings for a while and when you are awake the next day, it is all vanished like nothing had happened.  And then you start to feel differently about those bad feelings, you start hating yourself to have led those feelings cross your mind and had an impact for longer.  Feelings are not durable, so to not take them seriously;  Ignore the facts that had forced you to bring those bad feelings back. Think about it all in a practical manner,  And when all o

Aaj me jaun esa hoga nahi Aaj tum jao esa me hone Nahi dungi Tere intezaar me kitni raate yuhi guzar di hai  Aaj Beth ke baate hongi, jazbaat niklenge or hum alfazo se apne dil se nikle lafz byaan karenge.