Cluelessness
It's not one of those nights of Insomnia where all you want to do is pen down about yourself in and out.
It's those nights when you purposely taking your time off to figure out the cold hearted and soft hearted side of yours. Not leaving a single feeling that is running on your head. Every pinch of your heartbeat making rhythm beats according to the way you feel.
How the hell did I go into such a deeper thought? But trust me, I have many! They automatically gets activated into my system.
At 2'o clock, When you're thinking about your deepest sorrows but not regaining anymore and your head is empty, all you get to hear is the sound of the clock and few dog barks.
Suddenly my concentration is not on my true feelings, but in and around!
Then I ask myself a question; will I ever come out of this chaos? By that I meant the war that's between me and my inner self. I received no answer because I had no idea what is going on in my life,
Only one thing I know is that; I am not sufficient for myself.
I can't expect someone to give me attention, when I don't give myself any.
I believe in love but how am I going to get it, If I don't love and accept my own flaws.
Positivism is an art and I put it on the top, it's the first and the last hope for everything.
I believe in good deeds and karma too, but I can't sit vulnerable and pray for good things randomly happen to me because I always did good to everyone and everything.
This thought ruins it all. Because when Expectations enters any situation, they make other's believes unbelievable.
Determination is a must. Being resolute about every single thing you want to change, for every single thought that came through your mind and needed to be filtered; do it that moment itself.
My thoughts always mix between being clingy or being independent, because all the times are different and reacting to such situations depends on the mood swings I am suffering from. I be needy, I be no needy at all and fewer times, I'll be like the sand at the shore waiting for the ocean to caress me with its wave for 20 minutes.
However there are moments when I sit alone quietly and listen to soft music and then I feel why am I not sitting on a swing and hearing this song? Why am I not driving at the speed of 90 km and singing this song aloud? Or for that matter on a mountain cliff all my own and going into depth about how I can feel my inner self with just that one song.
Precious are these seconds, which I waste by getting sad about how I won't be able to relive them once again, there'll be a new day everyday and it's a hope of a new beginning and good things to flourish and rather getting optimistic about it, I get dicey about accepting the reality to live everyday with a hope,
Because I still didn't get over with the fact that my few seconds are gone and will never come back again.
Then I switch my thought and think about the nicest things happening in my life, I get super happy and calm for like a day or two. But certain things keep reminding me of my inner fear of the things that I do not like talking about.
I get high, But it depends to which type high I want to be the particular time,
I could be happy high or I could be disturbed high. Then in either case I will reach a level of extremism .
It's a different kind of feeling altogether.
I remember about all the qualities where I am lacking behind but I am only a human and human make mistakes and they realize it too, but the question is who realises it first?
The one who did wrong or the one who did right and realised that the mistakes are always by the person who did right.
This world is a riddle and it is just like a mystery of Death .
Neither can you put a limitation on your thoughts nor can you predict the length of your deeds.(good/bad)
I choose to follow whatever comes to my mind in that particular second, I'll always be this way! Well I don't know that as yet, as the words we say in this moment might not be in the mind the other moment.
So just let it be! Let yourself be, let others be and let this world be!
Who cares Tomorrow?
My mind has several thoughts every second and most of them I didn't write because I forgot!
So you see more than half of what I felt just vanished .
Hence, I am not going to give any justification about why I started with a different topic and ended with another.
Doesn't the mind fluctuates? Yes it bloody does!
It's those nights when you purposely taking your time off to figure out the cold hearted and soft hearted side of yours. Not leaving a single feeling that is running on your head. Every pinch of your heartbeat making rhythm beats according to the way you feel.
How the hell did I go into such a deeper thought? But trust me, I have many! They automatically gets activated into my system.
At 2'o clock, When you're thinking about your deepest sorrows but not regaining anymore and your head is empty, all you get to hear is the sound of the clock and few dog barks.
Suddenly my concentration is not on my true feelings, but in and around!
Then I ask myself a question; will I ever come out of this chaos? By that I meant the war that's between me and my inner self. I received no answer because I had no idea what is going on in my life,
Only one thing I know is that; I am not sufficient for myself.
I can't expect someone to give me attention, when I don't give myself any.
I believe in love but how am I going to get it, If I don't love and accept my own flaws.
Positivism is an art and I put it on the top, it's the first and the last hope for everything.
I believe in good deeds and karma too, but I can't sit vulnerable and pray for good things randomly happen to me because I always did good to everyone and everything.
This thought ruins it all. Because when Expectations enters any situation, they make other's believes unbelievable.
Determination is a must. Being resolute about every single thing you want to change, for every single thought that came through your mind and needed to be filtered; do it that moment itself.
My thoughts always mix between being clingy or being independent, because all the times are different and reacting to such situations depends on the mood swings I am suffering from. I be needy, I be no needy at all and fewer times, I'll be like the sand at the shore waiting for the ocean to caress me with its wave for 20 minutes.
However there are moments when I sit alone quietly and listen to soft music and then I feel why am I not sitting on a swing and hearing this song? Why am I not driving at the speed of 90 km and singing this song aloud? Or for that matter on a mountain cliff all my own and going into depth about how I can feel my inner self with just that one song.
Precious are these seconds, which I waste by getting sad about how I won't be able to relive them once again, there'll be a new day everyday and it's a hope of a new beginning and good things to flourish and rather getting optimistic about it, I get dicey about accepting the reality to live everyday with a hope,
Because I still didn't get over with the fact that my few seconds are gone and will never come back again.
Then I switch my thought and think about the nicest things happening in my life, I get super happy and calm for like a day or two. But certain things keep reminding me of my inner fear of the things that I do not like talking about.
I get high, But it depends to which type high I want to be the particular time,
I could be happy high or I could be disturbed high. Then in either case I will reach a level of extremism .
It's a different kind of feeling altogether.
I remember about all the qualities where I am lacking behind but I am only a human and human make mistakes and they realize it too, but the question is who realises it first?
The one who did wrong or the one who did right and realised that the mistakes are always by the person who did right.
This world is a riddle and it is just like a mystery of Death .
Neither can you put a limitation on your thoughts nor can you predict the length of your deeds.(good/bad)
I choose to follow whatever comes to my mind in that particular second, I'll always be this way! Well I don't know that as yet, as the words we say in this moment might not be in the mind the other moment.
So just let it be! Let yourself be, let others be and let this world be!
Who cares Tomorrow?
My mind has several thoughts every second and most of them I didn't write because I forgot!
So you see more than half of what I felt just vanished .
Hence, I am not going to give any justification about why I started with a different topic and ended with another.
Doesn't the mind fluctuates? Yes it bloody does!
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